A MIAM is usually the first step before applying to family court. Book online through our trusted digital service.
Book a MIAM →Do Both Parties Need to Attend a MIAM?
Each person attends their own individual MIAM — you do not attend with the other party. Here is how it works and what happens if one person refuses.
Key Points
- Each person attends their own MIAM appointment separately — you do not attend together.
- If you are the applicant making a court application, you are the one required to attend.
- The other party (respondent) may also be invited to attend their own MIAM if mediation is being considered.
- If the other person refuses to attend a MIAM, the mediator can still issue your certificate for court.
- The other person's refusal may be taken into account by the court when considering costs.
Do You Attend a MIAM With the Other Person?
No. A MIAM is an individual appointment. You attend alone — without the other person present. Each person has their own private meeting with the mediator.
This is often misunderstood. Many people assume a MIAM means sitting in a room with their ex-partner, which understandably feels daunting. In reality, the MIAM is a private one-to-one conversation between you and the mediator. What you say is confidential and is not shared with the other party.
Example: If you need to apply for a child arrangements order, you book your own MIAM, attend it alone, and discuss your situation privately with the mediator. Separately, the mediator may invite your ex-partner to attend their own MIAM — but this is their appointment, not a joint session.
In short: Your MIAM = your private appointment. The other person's MIAM = their own separate appointment.
Who Is Required to Attend — the Applicant, the Respondent, or Both?
The applicant — the person making the court application — is legally required to attend a MIAM before most family court applications. The respondent (the person who receives the application) is not automatically required to attend a MIAM as a precondition of the application.
However, if the applicant attends their MIAM and wants to explore mediation, the mediator will usually contact the other party to invite them to attend their own MIAM. If both people complete their individual MIAMs and agree to try mediation, joint sessions can then be arranged.
The respondent may also be directed by the court to attend a MIAM in some circumstances, particularly at an early stage of proceedings.
Summary:
- Applicant: MIAM required before application.
- Respondent: not required at application stage, but may be invited or directed to attend.
What If the Other Person Refuses to Attend a MIAM?
If you attend your MIAM and the other person refuses to attend their own, the mediator cannot proceed with joint mediation sessions. However, your certificate — the FM1 form — will still be issued.
The mediator will note on the FM1 that the other party declined to attend. This allows you to proceed with your court application without being penalised for the other person's refusal.
Courts are aware that one party's refusal to engage with mediation is not the applicant's fault. The other person's refusal may be taken into account when the court considers conduct and costs.
Note: You cannot force the other person to attend a MIAM. What you can do is attend yours, allow the mediator to contact them, and receive your certificate whether they engage or not.
What Happens After Both Parties Attend Their MIAMs?
If both parties complete their individual MIAMs and are willing to try mediation, the mediator will arrange the first joint session. This is where the mediation process proper begins — a facilitated conversation between both parties aimed at reaching agreement.
If either party declines to proceed after their MIAM, or if the mediator concludes that mediation is unsuitable, both parties will receive their FM1 certificates and can proceed with court applications as needed.
Read more: What Happens After a MIAM?
Next Steps: Arranging Your Individual MIAM
Your MIAM is your own appointment — you can book and attend it independently of the other person. Find an FMC-accredited mediator and book a date that works for you. You can attend online or in person.
Once you have attended, the mediator will contact the other party if you wish to explore mediation. If they decline, your certificate is issued and you can proceed with your court application.
The other person's attitude to mediation does not affect your ability to get your MIAM certificate.
How to Book a MIAMFrequently Asked Questions
Quick answers to common questions
Have more questions about MIAMs, mediation, or the court process? Our FAQ page provides quick answers to the most common queries.
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When you're ready
You can attend your MIAM independently of the other party. Book an online appointment with an accredited mediator at a time that suits you.
Book a MIAM onlineDelivered by qualified family mediators in line with UK mediation standards.
Many people start by learning, not deciding. That is completely okay.
Understanding how the process works is a positive first step.
You do not need to wait for the other person. You can take this step on your own terms.