A MIAM is usually the first step before applying to family court. Book online through our trusted digital service.
Book a MIAM →What Happens If Your Partner Refuses a MIAM?
Your partner's refusal to engage with the MIAM process does not stop you. You can attend your own MIAM, receive your FM1 certificate, and proceed — whether or not they choose to participate.
Your MIAM is your own appointment. You can book it, attend it, and receive your FM1 certificate entirely independently of the other person. Their refusal does not delay you or block your next steps.
Key points
- A MIAM is an individual appointment — you do not attend with your partner.
- You can book and attend your MIAM without your partner's knowledge or agreement.
- After your MIAM, the mediator will contact your partner to invite them to their own appointment.
- If they refuse, the mediator notes this on your FM1 certificate — you can then proceed to court.
- Your partner's refusal does not delay your certificate or prevent your court application.
- Unreasonable refusal to attend a MIAM can be taken into account by the court on costs.
The MIAM Is Your Appointment — Not Theirs
One of the most common misconceptions about MIAMs is that both people attend together. They do not. Each person attends their own individual MIAM with the mediator — separately, privately, and independently. What you discuss in yours is confidential.
This means you do not need your partner's agreement, cooperation, or even their knowledge to book and attend your MIAM. You simply find an FMC-accredited mediator, make an appointment, and attend at the time that suits you.
Once your appointment is complete, the mediator issues your FM1 certificate. This is the document the court requires to confirm that you have attended a MIAM before making a family court application.
For a full guide to what happens at a MIAM: What Happens at a MIAM?
What the Mediator Does After Your MIAM
After your MIAM, if you indicate that you would like to explore mediation, the mediator will contact your partner directly. This contact typically takes the form of a letter or call explaining what the MIAM process involves and inviting them to book their own individual appointment.
You are not expected to convey this invitation yourself. Mediators understand that direct communication between parties has often broken down — that is precisely why the mediator makes the initial contact on your behalf.
If your partner agrees, they attend their own MIAM separately. If they both attend and are willing to try mediation, joint sessions are arranged. If either party declines after their MIAM, both receive their FM1 certificates.
What Happens If Your Partner Still Refuses
If your partner refuses to attend a MIAM after being contacted by the mediator — or refuses to respond at all — the mediator records this on your FM1 certificate. Specifically, the certificate will note that the other party was invited and declined.
This is important: your certificate is not withheld because of their refusal. You receive it, and it is valid for use in your court application.
Most importantly, you are not penalised for their non-cooperation. Courts understand that applicants often cannot control whether the other party engages. What the court focuses on is your conduct — that you attended a MIAM in good faith, invited your partner to participate, and proceeded properly when they refused.
Key point
Their refusal goes on the certificate. Your good faith attendance also goes on the certificate. These are distinct things, and the court can see both.
What the Court Makes of Their Refusal
A partner's refusal to engage with the MIAM process is not a neutral act in legal proceedings. Courts in England and Wales expect parties to have genuinely considered non-court dispute resolution. An unreasonable refusal to even attend a MIAM — without a valid reason — is a conduct factor that courts may consider when deciding who pays legal costs.
This does not automatically determine the outcome of the case. But it can result in an adverse costs order against the refusing party — requiring them to contribute to the other party's legal costs — even where they succeed on the substantive issue.
If your partner claims an exemption to avoid the MIAM (for example, falsely claiming urgency or domestic abuse), this can also be scrutinised by the court at a gatekeeping stage.
Read more: How Courts View Refusal to Mediate — a full guide to the legal and costs consequences.
Related Questions
What happens to my court application if my partner won't book a MIAM?
Your ability to proceed with a court application is not affected by your partner's refusal. You attend your own individual MIAM, receive your FM1 certificate, and can then submit your application. The mediator records the other person's non-engagement on the certificate.
Can I be penalised if my partner refuses a MIAM?
No. You are not penalised for the other person's refusal. The court distinguishes between an applicant who attended their MIAM in good faith and a respondent who refused to engage. Your conduct in attempting the process is what the court will focus on, not their non-cooperation.
Next Steps: Book Your MIAM — Don't Wait for Them
You can book your MIAM today, independently of your partner. Once you attend, the mediator will handle the contact with them. Whether they engage or not, your certificate will be issued and your options remain open.
Online MIAM appointments are widely available and can typically be arranged within a few days. There is no requirement for your partner to be informed before you book.
You may also want to learn about:
When you're ready
Even if your partner won't engage, you can attend your MIAM today and take the first step. Your certificate is yours — whatever they decide.
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Many people begin mediation by learning, not deciding.
Understanding your options can be a helpful first step.