A MIAM is usually the first step before applying to family court. Book online through our trusted digital service.
Book a MIAM →What Questions Are Asked at a MIAM?
A MIAM is a conversation — not a formal assessment or interview. Here is what to expect from the mediator, section by section.
Key Points
- The mediator guides the conversation — there are no trick questions or formal procedures.
- You will be asked about the background to your situation and the main issues you need to resolve.
- Safety screening questions — about domestic abuse and welfare concerns — are required in every MIAM.
- The mediator will ask about your understanding of mediation and what you hope to achieve.
- You do not need to prepare formal answers — the conversation follows a natural structure.
- Everything discussed is confidential — it will not be shared with the other party or the court.
Background and Context Questions
The mediator will begin by asking about your situation — not to make judgements, but to understand the context before the assessment.
Typical background questions include:
- How long have you been separated, or when did the dispute arise?
- Do you have children together — and if so, what ages?
- What is the current living situation — who lives where, and what current arrangements exist?
- Have you and the other person tried to resolve things informally?
- Have you had any legal advice, or have solicitors been involved?
These questions give the mediator a picture of where things stand before they move to the substance of the dispute.
Questions About the Issues You Need to Resolve
The mediator will then ask specifically about the issues you are hoping to resolve. This is the practical heart of the MIAM — understanding what needs to be agreed.
Example questions:
- What are the main issues you need to resolve — children, finances, property, or a combination?
- If children are involved: what are the main disagreements about arrangements? Is it about where the children live, contact time, schooling, holidays, or all of these?
- If finances are involved: what assets are in dispute? Is it the family home, savings, pensions, or debts?
- What outcome are you hoping for?
- Is there anything you feel strongly about not agreeing to?
You do not need to have prepared formal positions. The mediator is not negotiating with you — they are gathering information to assess whether mediation could help.
Safety Screening Questions
Safety screening is a mandatory part of every MIAM. The mediator is required to ask about domestic abuse, coercive control, and other welfare concerns before completing their assessment.
These questions are asked sensitively and privately. Typical safety screening questions include:
- Has there been any physical, emotional, or financial abuse in the relationship?
- Have you ever felt controlled or coerced — for example, being prevented from seeing family or friends, or having your finances controlled without your agreement?
- Are you concerned about your safety if you were to meet the other person in a mediation setting?
- Have police, social services, or other agencies been involved?
- Are there any concerns about the children's safety or welfare?
Important: Your answers to these questions are confidential. If you disclose concerns that suggest mediation would not be safe, the mediator will explain your options — including the MIAM exemptions that may be available. You will not be pressured into mediation.
Questions About Mediation Itself
The mediator will also ask about your understanding of mediation and your attitude towards it. These are not pass-or-fail questions — they are part of the assessment.
Example questions:
- Do you understand what family mediation involves?
- Have you had any previous experience of mediation?
- What is your view of mediation as an option for your situation?
- Are there any reasons why you feel mediation would not work — for example, concerns about speaking freely in front of the other person?
- Are you open to exploring mediation further, or have you already decided it is not for you?
Saying that you are unsure, or even that you are sceptical, is fine. The mediator's role is to give you accurate information and make an honest assessment — not to persuade you.
Next Steps: You Are More Prepared Than You Think
The most important thing to know before a MIAM is that you do not need to prepare formal answers. The mediator will guide the conversation from start to finish.
It helps simply to have a clear sense of the main issues you need to resolve — children, finances, or both — and to be ready to speak openly about your situation. Everything is confidential.
Most people find the MIAM less daunting than they expected once they understand it is a private, supportive conversation — not a hearing or interview.
How to Book a MIAMFrequently Asked Questions
Quick answers to common questions
Have more questions about MIAMs, mediation, or the court process? Our FAQ page provides quick answers to the most common queries.
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What to Do Next
When you're ready
When you are ready to attend your MIAM, you can book an online appointment with an accredited mediator. There are no right or wrong answers — just a conversation.
Book a MIAM onlineDelivered by qualified family mediators in line with UK mediation standards.
Many people start by learning, not deciding. That is completely okay.
Knowing what to expect can make all the difference.
A MIAM is simply a conversation. You are already more prepared than you think.