Mediation starts with a MIAM. Book your initial meeting online through our trusted digital service.
Book a MIAM →What If the Other Person Refuses Mediation?
You cannot force someone to mediate. But you do not have to wait for them. This guide explains what your options are when your partner or ex won't engage with mediation or the MIAM process.
You can attend your MIAM alone — even if the other person refuses. Your FM1 certificate is issued after your own individual appointment. You do not need the other person to agree, attend, or cooperate.
Key points
- Mediation cannot be legally compelled — both parties must attend willingly.
- You can attend your own MIAM independently, regardless of what the other person does.
- If they refuse, the mediator notes this on your FM1 certificate and you can proceed to court.
- Courts view unreasonable refusal to mediate as a negative conduct factor — it can affect costs.
- There are routes to court that do not require the other person's cooperation at any stage.
- Specialist support is available if domestic abuse, safety concerns, or coercive control is involved.
Can You Force Someone to Go to Mediation?
No. Mediation in England and Wales is a voluntary process. Neither a solicitor, a court, nor any other authority can compel someone to participate in mediation against their will. Both parties must attend willingly for the process to have any chance of working.
This is not a loophole — it is a deliberate feature of how mediation operates. An agreement reached under compulsion tends not to last, particularly where children and ongoing co-parenting relationships are involved.
What the court can do is require attendance at a MIAM (the individual information meeting), adjourn proceedings to allow mediation to be attempted, and draw adverse inferences from an unreasonable refusal. But the person still cannot be physically forced into a room.
The important distinction is between the MIAM — which the applicant is generally required to attend before a court application — and mediation itself, which remains voluntary even after a MIAM has taken place.
Key legal point
Courts cannot force mediation. But unreasonable refusal to even consider it carries real consequences — particularly on the question of legal costs.
What You Can Do Right Now — Even If They Won't Engage
The most important thing to understand is this: you do not need the other person to cooperate with your MIAM. A MIAM is an individual appointment. You book it, you attend it alone, and your FM1 certificate is issued to you. The other person's position is irrelevant to whether you can take this step.
Once you have attended your MIAM, the mediator will typically contact the other person on your behalf to invite them to their own appointment. If they decline, the mediator records this. Your certificate is issued regardless.
With your FM1 certificate in hand, you can make a family court application in the usual way. You are not penalised for the other person's non-engagement — the court distinguishes between an applicant who took the process seriously and a respondent who refused.
Take the first step
Book your MIAM now. It commits you to nothing beyond the meeting, and it unlocks every route forward — whether that is mediation, negotiation through solicitors, or a court application.
Book a MIAM onlineHow Courts View Refusal to Mediate
Courts in England and Wales increasingly expect parties to have genuinely attempted non-court dispute resolution before litigating. A judge who discovers that one party refused to engage with mediation or the MIAM process without a valid reason may:
- Make an adverse costs order against the refusing party — potentially requiring them to pay a significant portion of the other party's legal costs. This applies even if they ultimately win on the main issue.
- Adjourn proceedings and direct the parties to attempt mediation before the case continues.
- Record in the judgment that the party's conduct was unreasonable — which can colour how the case is perceived going forward.
There are legitimate reasons to decline mediation — domestic abuse, safety concerns, genuine inability to negotiate, and past failed attempts all carry weight. But a bare refusal with no good reason behind it creates real legal and financial risk.
Read more: How Courts View Refusal to Mediate — the full legal picture on consequences and how judges respond.
If Domestic Abuse or Safety Concerns Are Involved
If the reason the other person won't cooperate is connected to domestic abuse, coercive control, or a genuine safety risk, the picture changes significantly. Mediation may not be appropriate at all in these circumstances — and a MIAM exemption may apply, allowing you to apply to court without attending a MIAM.
Where there is a safety risk, the priority is always your safety and the safety of any children. Mediation should not be pursued where one party cannot negotiate freely and honestly — and where power imbalance or fear is present, that condition is rarely met.
Specialist support is available. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline is 0808 2000 247. Your MIAM mediator can also advise on whether an exemption applies — you do not have to figure this out alone.
Safety first
If you are concerned about your safety, please contact a specialist organisation before making decisions about mediation or court. See also: What Happens in a MIAM When There Are Safeguarding Concerns?
What would you like to know?
What Happens If Your Partner Refuses a MIAM?
How to proceed when your partner won't book or attend their MIAM.
Read moreWhat If Only One Person Attends a MIAM?
The short answer: yes, you can — and here is exactly how it works.
Read moreWhat Happens If My Ex Refuses Mediation?
Your options, the legal consequences of refusal, and what the court can do.
Read moreHow Courts View Refusal to Mediate
The conduct and costs consequences of unreasonable refusal.
Read moreWhat Happens in a MIAM With Safeguarding Concerns?
When domestic abuse or safety concerns affect whether mediation is appropriate.
Read moreMy Ex Won't Respond — What Can I Do?
Practical steps when your ex ignores all attempts at communication.
Read moreRelated Questions
Can you force someone to go to mediation in the UK?
No. Mediation cannot be legally compelled in England and Wales. Both parties must attend willingly. However, you can attend your own MIAM independently and receive an FM1 certificate regardless of what the other person does. Their refusal does not prevent you from taking the first step.
What happens if my ex refuses to engage with the mediation process?
If the other person declines to engage, the mediator will note this on your FM1 certificate. You can then proceed with a family court application. The court may take their refusal into account when considering conduct and costs — unreasonable refusal to mediate can carry consequences.
Can I still go to court if the other person refuses mediation?
Yes. If the other person refuses to engage with mediation or attend their own MIAM, you will still receive your FM1 certificate. This allows you to make a court application in the usual way. You are not penalised for the other person's non-engagement.
Next Steps: Your MIAM Is Yours — Book It Now
You can book your MIAM today, independently of the other person. Choose an FMC-accredited mediator — via the Family Mediation Council directory or an online provider — and make an individual appointment.
Once you have attended, the mediator will contact the other person. If they refuse, your certificate is issued and every route forward is open to you. The only thing the other person's refusal closes is the door to voluntary mediation itself.
Online MIAM appointments are typically available within a few days and usually last 45–60 minutes.
You may also want to learn about:
When you're ready
Even if the other person isn't ready, you can still take the first step. Book your individual MIAM online — your certificate is yours to keep, whatever they decide.
Book a MIAM onlineDelivered by qualified family mediators in line with UK mediation standards.
Many people begin mediation by learning, not deciding.
Understanding your options can be a helpful first step.
What to do next
Partner Refuses a MIAM?
How to proceed when your partner won't attend their own MIAM appointment.
Read moreCan One Person Attend?
The clear, direct answer to whether you can attend your MIAM alone.
Read moreHow Courts View Refusal
The legal and costs consequences of unreasonable refusal to mediate.
Read more